This post is more about the inner workings of the mind and does not focus on my creative endeavours.
Why do we all seek success and how do we measure it? How to identify if and when we are successful? Is it an inner struggle or do other people have an influence on how successful and content we feel within ourselves? I want to try to understand why I crave a sense of achievement and why I seek outside acknowledgement?
“Nobodies are marginalized to the point of invisibility. Since humans are social creatures, banishment carries a threat of being deprived of social and material resources critical to health and happiness, and sometimes to survival itself. No wonder we’re so sensitive to indignity. It poses an existential threat.”
I found a wonderful article online about self acceptance and here are a few things I picked up from it.
I need to work on my Self Acceptance, that is a big issue for me that I am constantly working on improving. It is clear that for some reason no matter how hard I work on it I can’t break this one. I’ve been working on it for years and it seems that it keeps creeping back for more of a fight. I thought I had improved my self image and self acceptance a few years ago but it seems that problems in life have knocked it about and I need to re-evaluate and improve on it again.
While it helps to fulfil my need to create art is good, it only alleviates my inner pain for short amounts of time and I usually wind up frustrated and depressed again. My following my desire to create art reduces some of the inner pain, as it is apart of my inner desires and follows what my higher self needs. It is only one part of the solution.
As suggested in Sacha Crouch’s article (How to Let Go of the Need for Approval to Start Thriving), I am planning on starting a Gratitude or Self Appreciation journal to start listing things I am proud of myself for. This may help serve as a reminder for all the good things I accomplish that I am happy about.
I need to work on my self validation, we all need to be able to decide for ourselves that what we are doing in life is ok. We shouldn’t always seek out validation from outside sources, mainly because there is never any guarantee that anyone other then ourselves will be totally happy with how we live our lives.
While writing this post I realised my main problem at the moment is my need for validation. It’s driving me to the point of depression when I think about how little validation I receive from anyone in my life. I only have my Mum and two friends here on Facebook that tell me I am good or that agree that I actually achieve anything. It’s making me feel extra worthless when I think about how little of my need for validation gets met.
My husband tells me he loves me but he cant stop letting me know how little I meet his needs from a wife, he tells me off when I stuff up and unfortunately I stuff up quite a lot. It must be hard for someone who is mentally healthy to have to face living with a mentally ill person. It’s relatively normal for a person to want to live with someone who is at least as mentally healthy as you are. My husband often tells me he loves me but that it is frustrating to live with me because I have such a bad memory and because I make so many mistakes like missing cleaning duties etc. He says it’s very tiring and frustrating living with someone who is emotionally weak and cries so often and he doesn’t know how to handle me when I am having a bad panic attack or when a really bad depression sets in.
I did improve my self worth a few years ago but life seems to keep putting my self validation or self worth into question again and again from my stuff ups and wrong decisions etc in life. For some reason I can’t even remember how I improved my self confidence and self validation the first time. Is it hard up keeping self validation and appreciation or it’s just for me?
Ideas from other websites on how to improve your self validation.
* Try to to notice how much you judge yourself rather than value yourself. Note this down if needed so that you can keep a track of how and when you judge yourself.
* You need to start to noticing and acknowledging your feelings, acts of kindness you undertake, and consciously value them.
* Judging yourself is the opposite of validating yourself, and creates inner pain and insecurity.
* You need to find and stop yourself from judging yourself as much as possible. You need to learn to trust your self, rather than making others your authority for what is right or wrong for you, and you will start to feel more inwardly powerful and happy.
* Try learning how to tune into your Higher Self, your inner conscience, your moral sense of right and wrong.
* To be present, grounding yourself and not dissociating or avoiding your emotions, try not to daydream, suppress or numb your emotions. To be present, means listening to yourself.
* Acknowledging your internal state and labelling it accurately without self judgement or self negativity. Try to be honest with yourself about how you feel and about when and why it started.
* If unsure of how you feel or why, you may sometimes need to guess by going over recent activities and experiences. Think back whether anything happened that may have upset you. If someone else were in this situation how would they feel? You might also guess by looking at what you want to do. If you want to hide, maybe you are feeling shame or fear. Think about where you feel sensations in your body, fear is often thought to be felt in the throat. What direction are your thoughts and emotions taking, are they fearful?
* You may be having thoughts and feelings that are based on events that happened in your past. Maybe you are afraid when people argue because in the past arguments led to your being hurt. Validate yourself by saying, “It’s acceptable and understandable that you are afraid of arguments because when you were young, your parents would hurt each other during arguments.”
* You may have intense emotions, remind yourself that it is normal. Everyone has emotions, no one is happy all the time. It’s also important to acknowledge when others would feel the same way and accept that as well.
* An important distinction is remembering you are not your behaviour. If you do something that’s normally against your beliefs, that doesn’t make you a bad person.