Tag Archive | Life

Why I create

 

Mixed Media Quote Print3- Love Quote - Etsy Small Pic copy 2

I create art and craft in order to survive. Whether or not other people like or praise my efforts, I need to continue creating in order to stay sane. For me it’s like a lifeline, it’s what keeps me going on with the struggle. In order for me to keep up my efforts to try to stay “normal”, I need a way to escape now and then from the real world.

If I don’t zone out at least once every day for at least half and hour, I feel as though stress and outside negative comments and criticisms become my one focus. I can’t switch off from all the negativity in the world that affects me, critisism and negative feedback from everyone in my life simply become too much for me to handle.

There are only a few techniques open to me to try to switch off all the negativity from outside and my art and craft are just a few of them. I either need to read a good  novel, listen to music and daydream or I need to create some type of art or craft project.

At the moment painting is the main activity I have chosen to try in order to switch out all the negativity around me. I get to concentrate on something that at least a few people are able to give me more positive feedback on. It’s so hard to get other people to understand that I need to have some positive feedback in my life on something that I am good at in order to feel good about myself. In order to get away from my inner negative chatter and to be able to ignore or forget the affects of all the negative  critism and feedback I receive from the outside world I absolutely need to let go and get away from the real world for a while.

For some reason it’s be very hard to get other people to accept and allow me to continue harmlessly creating my art and craft. I can’t figure out for the life of me why it’s so hard for people to simply allow me to get away from stress for a while.

Why is it so hard for more normal people to understand that some of us simply need the little bit of extra attention and positive feedback on something we create in order for us to be happy?

Various works in progress

Ok so now that I am up and around again, I thought I’d just post a few pictures of my newest projects.

The first one is a painting I started just yesterday using one of the exercises from my self art therapy ebook “Creative Happiness”. I chose to try my exercise in painting my emotions out in an image using weather or nature to show emotions. It’s called “Tornado out at sea”…

Somehow it did help to start painting in darker colours for the tornado, it helps to get out some of the inner negative emotions to some extent. It also kind of feel good to be painting something that more accurately reflects my inner emotions, rather then simply painting something to be pretty.

The other two are two girl images, one is a fashion girl image and the other is a ballerina.

Mostly for the last few weeks I have been trying to paint with Acrylic paints and using the images and the painting strokes to try to paint out my negative emotions. It seems to work as long as my symptoms are not at the very worst, once I am too depressed I tend to steer away from painting however as my hands are not very steady when I am too anxious and I seem to tend to muck up the paintings if I force myself to paint.

I have so far enjoyed working on the tornado image and plan to do more artwork based on my own exercises, both to try to get the benefit of the art therapy itself and I found it fun to try to express my emotions with the art. I will continue posting any other art work I create and will try to focus on the ones related to my art therapy book exercises.

Questions about my role in life…

It can be very hard in the busy schedule of running around trying to manage and manoeuvre your way through hectic schedules and trying to meet high quality standards in everything you do. Some people still think and argue that housewives have an easier time of it compared to working people, but for someone with mental illness even the schedule of a housewife can seem busy, hectic and hard to manage.

Also there is the need to meet quality standards of cleanliness whilst looking after busy kids. You have to keep the house clean while chasing and cleaning after every new dirty area your kids leave in a mess, they can leave toys lying around or even bits of food crumbs or teared up bits of paper everywhere. You could just have finished vacuuming your house, only to find the lounge room full of bits of teared up paper, then you have to tidy and clean up all over again.

Then once any of your children has reached three years old they are expected to start schedules of regular playgroups or three year old kindergarten and you still have to do the shopping, pay bills etc. Cooking can take anywhere from half an hour to a few hours depending on what you make, then there is the almost never ending piles of dishes from meals and snacks.

It can actually be pretty hard to meet any sort of timing or scheduling sheet you might plan up even without a mental illness. When you have a mental illness it can be a pain or maybe impossible to try to stick to any sort of schedule because you also have your emotional or mental symptoms to deal with while you try to juggle all the stress and confusion of how to keep everything clean and under control.

Are you supposed to entertain and keep your children busy so they are learning and not making a mess, cleaning up after the mess and spills they create, doing the general cleaning or cooking for the nights meal? Having so much to do can be almost overwhelming if you do suffer from a mental illness. Then if you try to fulfil your own needs for hobbies or friends, it can be an almost impossible task of getting everything done.

Then there is also the possibility that your feeling needy to be pursuing any sort of hobby or ideas of working from home it can cause even more chaos. Learning how to fulfil your needs of achievement and how to feel as though you have a purpose in life can be tricky. Some people say that just by managing the general tasks of being a housewife and mother should be fulfilling in its own right.

What if it’s simply not enough or you feel like you’re simply not good at it no matter how hard you try? What if the place you’re given by life and the people around you doesn’t match your expectations for life? What if it doesn’t suit your personality type and you struggle to fulfil the role you’ve been given?

I’ve been told by a few people with mental illness that my need to be creative and to try to get myself known somehow and to gain some credit for my creative activities is a symptom of mental illness. My husband is also still trying also to get me to give up my craft hobbies so I can focus solely on my duties as a housewife.

So almost a week ago I started a little experiment to see if how I feel living without undertaking any major creative project and see if I’m able to live happily or not. So far there is a slight decrease in my frustration of trying to find time and ideas on how to get my projects posted online. I find myself able to focus better on most of my daily tasks I try to get done as apart of my role as housewife.

I still look for creative ways I can come up with activities to try with my son to try to give him some home schooling though. This means that I do have a bit of a way to go before I can say I have totally given up on my creative activities 100%. You do tend to use some creative ideas to try to keep children entertained and busy with activities that they can also learn from. If I’m not meant to create art and craft to sell I can at least channel some of my creative ideas and energy into creating activities for my son and have less guilt and less blame for wasting time on useless crafts.

Obsessed – Or Is Craft Therapy a Necessity?

mermaid-1-etsy

Am I more content to work on my online Etsy store then I am in talking to my family and friends in real life?

I just came back online again after a few days trying to abstain from coming online to test a theory of my husbands and someone on a Facebook group that I was chatting to a few days ago. There is some belief that a feeling of needing to communicate online and trying to use art or craft, to try to get your name even a little “known” is like a symptom of mental illness.

There seems to be a belief that being online too much is bad for people, in some ways if it becomes too much of an obsession, yes it could hamper a person. It could get in the way of the person getting more important daily chores done or could affect how much communication and attention the person gives other people in the real world.

Sometimes because people you chat to online aren’t really in front of you it can feel easier to communicate with them as there is less possibility of being hurt or embarrassed. People seem more attentive on line as they give themselves more time to concentrate better on what they online, people seem less distracted by other issues or people as they concentrate on their online conversations.

People are more inclined to think twice before they post or chat online as it’s most often done in the written format. Therefore people you communicate with online may seem nicer and more polite.

My communications online and other online activities in trying to get my artwork noticed are more therapeutic, my communications with people in real life are often riddled with pain and misunderstanding. What are we to make of this? Is there any possible meaning or reason as to why some of us really do feel more happier communicating and making friends online?